The Potentiality Revelation
by Tomasina
Summary: Set during "The Zazzy Substitution", between the fight and reconciliation. Mom, you are no longer allowed to read these. Just log off.
1. The Phone Call

**There will be one or two more chapters but I'll keep it short. I really liked rubyanjel's story of what happened when Sheldon introduced Amy to all his cats so I'm stopping it right where that one starts. ****I know the show said Mrs. Cooper called Amy. Be patient. This isn't AU and will stay true to canon.**

**No narration for this chapter, just imagine you're eavesdropping.**

**The Potentiality Revelation**

AMY  
-Hello?

LEONARD  
-Amy? This is Leonard.

AMY  
-x-

LEONARD  
-Leonard Hofstadter?

AMY  
-Hello, Leonard. May I ask how you got my number?

LEONARD  
-Sheldon put it in the one of emergency addendums to the roommate agreement. "Persons to immediately warn in the event that I become infected with a zombie virus." He hasn't put out the new revision yet.

AMY  
-I assume you are not calling to tell me Sheldon has turned into a zombie.

LEONARD  
-No.

-x-

AMY  
-Spit it out, Leonard. We both know you dislike me and I have things to do, so if this was meant to be the setup for some kind of prank…

LEONARD  
-What? I never said that! I mean, did Sheldon tell you that?

AMY  
-Sheldon would not waste his time discussing emotional dishwater. While my aversion to banal chit chat has limited my exposure to the variety of slang and innuendos individuals of lower intelligence, like yourself, would normally use, I have no trouble reading human expressions.

LEONARD  
-Oh. I, uh, I didn't realize…

AMY  
-The discomfort and occasional disgust you and the rest of Sheldon's social group have displayed whenever I interacted with you was rather obvious.

LEONARD  
-Oh, shi… I mean, we're just used to that kind of thing always going over Sheldon's head and you two are so much alike…

AMY  
-I wouldn't have seen the need to state it but obviously I am not Sheldon.

LEONARD  
-Well, I'm sorry.

-x-

AMY  
-Unnecessary, but apology accepted.

LEONARD  
-x-

AMY  
-Leonard, I'm sure someone like yourself often requires time to sit and meditate on their personal growth but, as I said, I do have other things to do. Since I am no longer even an ancillary member of your social group, I see no reason…

LEONARD  
-You have to make up with him.

AMY  
-What? With whom?

LEONARD  
-What do you mean, 'whom'? Sheldon!

AMY  
-Leonard, while I understand your primitive need to maintain even an unpleasant state of equilibrium within your social dynamic, that is not my problem. The five months during which Sheldon and I regularly conversed went far beyond expectations to begin with. Friendships never last in the end. Speaking of social dynamics, did you know that even after a wolf pack has accidentally caused the death of the unwanted omega wolf, they can mourn its loss for as long as…

LEONARD  
-Amy, he misses you and he can't handle it. This isn't a prank. He's gone completely off the deep end and he's getting worse. I think this time he's certifiably nuts.

AMY  
-x-

LEONARD  
-Amy?

AMY  
-x-

LEONARD  
-Hello?


	2. A Question of Technique

Leonard looked down at his phone, wondering where he went wrong.

"Oh, darlin', you still haven't learned to hunt, have you?" He looked up at Mrs. Cooper, sitting across from him with her legs crossed and a disappointed expression on her face. "You did say she was just like Sheldon?"

Leonard frowned. "Well, yes, I thought… She's the closest thing I've ever seen."

"And when have you ever gotten our little Shelly to change his mind using the direct approach?"

Leonard cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, there was a clause in the roommate agreement once that said he had to."

She shook his head at him. "Not to mention all I recall sayin' was we needed to get those two to talk, not make up. They need to learn how to put this thing in the past. We get those two back together and the next time they fight, _and they will,_ they pull out their death rays and blow up half of Pasadena."

Leonard stood up, feeling a little offended on his friend's behalf. "Neither of them are _that_ bad. Anyway I don't see how else…"

A cacophony of hisses and yowls interrupted him and Leonard looked worriedly towards Sheldon's room. Sheldon's high-pitched voice carried over the racket. "Zazzles! Leave the others alone! They are quite content to be left to themselves. You can always rub up against my leg. I'll get you a new friend tomorrow."

Leonard heard a thwack behind him and turned to see Mary Cooper had put her put both feet flat on the floor and was leaning towards him, extending her arm. "Give me the phone, lambchop."


	3. A FactFinding Mission

**This is chapter 3, go back one page if you missed the short in-betweener**

**A Fact-Finding Mission**

Mary Cooper fussed in the kitchen. "If she's anything like Sheldon we've got exactly one minute before she shows up. Sheldon's got everything he needs to keep him occupied while we talk?"

Leonard was pacing in the living room. "Yeah. He's reading his old lecture notes to the cats."

"That's supposed to be fun?"

Leonard nodded. "He says the silent stares and lack of spit balls make for a pretty good time, yeah." He was rubbing his fingers together non-stop, his default nervous tick. "I can't wait to get this over with." He stopped pacing and looked back at Mrs. Cooper. "A horny otter? She seriously said that?"

"Yep. It explains why she'd be a little on guard when she hears someone's desperate to see her."

"I guess." He was about to glance at his watch again when a knock sounded at the front door. Leonard took a deep breath and opened it. "Hello, Amy."

"Leonard."

He opened the door wider and gestured. "Won't you come in?" She nodded and entered, putting her shoulder bag down by the door.

Mrs. Cooper walked over and held her hand out. "Thank you for coming, Amy. I'm Mary Cooper, Sheldon's mother. We spoke on the phone." Amy stared at the hand for a moment, then tentatively took it. Mary's eyebrows shot up in surprise and she looked over at Leonard. He shrugged.

"Amy Farrah Fowler. Pleased to meet you."

Mary quickly put her attention back on Amy and gave her hand a small shake. Once she had her hand back Amy discretely wiped it on her skirt. Mary pretended not to notice. "Here, come sit at the counter so I can talk to you while Leonard and I finish dinner." She walked Amy over to the kitchen.

Leonard shut the door and followed. "Care for something to drink, Amy?" he asked.

"Tepid water, please." Leonard filled a glass from the tap while Amy sat down and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said. She took only a small sip and put the glass down. Then she placed both palms on the counter, and looked Leonard straight in the eye. "I'd like to apologize for hanging up on you without the customary valediction."

Leonard almost laughed but the look on her face was dead serious. Instead he waved his hand dismissively and shook his head. "Considering what you thought I was pulling I'm happy you didn't tell me to go..." he glanced at Mrs. Cooper's back. "….go to heck."

Amy nodded and glanced warily down the hallway. "He will stay away until we're ready to eat?"

Mary laughed and waved her spoon in the air. "Don't worry about him. He knows he's not allowed to bother Mommy while she's in the kitchen. Besides, he doesn't even know you're coming."

"Oh." Amy looked down into her water.

Mary glanced at her again while she reached for the Tabasco sauce. "We can sort him out later, no need to worry." She grinned mischievously. "Anyway every young woman should see a man squirm over her once in her life."

Amy rested her chin on her hand and one corner of her mouth lifted into a smile. "I must admit the knowledge that I could have that kind of effect on someone, while baffling, is tantalizing." She put her hand back down and leaned over the counter towards the stove. "That smells delicious. Sheldon must have eaten well growing up with you." Leonard started. He couldn't remember ever hearing Amy compliment someone before.

"Thank you, dear, but no. My Shelly was always a picky eater. It was a long time before I could get him to try anything with more flavor than catsup." Mary laughed again. "You should have seen him when he was little. Wouldn't eat nothin' but spaghetti and hotdogs."

Amy nodded. "I enjoyed those dishes as well as a child."

"Not 'dishes', dear. I'd just cut up some hotdogs and mix them in with the spaghetti."

Amy's half-smile disappeared and she wrinkled her nose up. "That sounds absolutely disgusting."

Mary shrugged. "Don't knock it till you try it."

"As I never intend to try it, I'll take your word for it." Amy fidgeted in her seat and looked down the hall again as she took another sip of water.

Mary looked over her shoulder at Leonard. "Cut up those tomatoes for me, will you Leonard?" Leonard practically jumped for them, glad for something to do with his hands.

"Can I help?" Amy offered.

Mrs. Cooper smiled at her again and Amy smiled back. "No, dear. I like you there where I can talk to you." She put the Tabasco away and added a pinch of salt. "So tell me, how have you been doing? I understand you and Sheldon were talking, or whatever it was, non-stop for months up until the break."

Amy nodded vigorously. "Oh, yes. We communicated using various forms of electronic communication for an average of three hours a day for the first four months of our relationship, with one half hour less replaced by 45 minutes every other day in person over the last month."

Mary exchanged another look with Leonard. "Any way you slice it that's a lot of… communication. May I ask what changed a month ago?" Leonard sucked in his breath and stopped chopping the tomatoes. Amy didn't notice.

"It is my understanding that Sheldon's friend Penny was disturbed we had never been on a proper date yet were discussing the possibility of having a child together." Leonard started wheezing and rummaged in his pocket for his inhaler. "We agreed to go on said date as an experiment. Sheldon and I found spending time together physically to be not unpleasant, as well as conducive to other activities such as eating and games where we may be required to pass items back and forth. In fact, we developed a wonderful game we call Counterfactuals." The full grin that had blossomed on Amy's face was replaced by a frown. "Unfortunately I haven't found anyone else intelligent enough to play it with."

Whether Mary Cooper heard any of the last part or not is a matter of debate. Halfway through she had thrown her spoon down and now stood glaring at Leonard with her hands on her hips. "A child? Forget to mention anything else, Leonard?"

Leonard shook his head violently 'no' as he shoved the inhaler back in his pocket. "They gave up it! Penny told Sheldon she'd tell on him if he had an out-of-wedlock test tube baby and he folded like a house of cards."

"Test tube baby? I don't remember that being part of the discussion." Leonard and Mary both turned back to Amy.

"You don't?" Leonard asked incredulously.

"No." Amy frowned. "That's an unusual assumption for someone to make."

"Well, how did you see that happening?"

Amy looked almost offended. "Really, Leonard. From what I've heard of your several failed sexual relationships, at some point you must have learned where babies come from."

Mrs. Cooper covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath before picking up her spoon again. "So, back to the original subject. Amy. How have you been doing?" She looked sideways at her. "I hope you haven't gotten any pets."

"In a way, I have."

Leonard groaned. "You, too? Please tell me it's not cats."

Amy shook her head. "No, though I have nothing against them. My department is waiting on a grant for a nicotine addiction study utilizing capuchin monkeys. One of the monkeys slated for the study is a particular ass, so the department gave me permission to take him home."

Leonard started back in on the tomato and smirked. "I suppose it's also nice that monkeys don't argue or question your intellectual authority."

"Leonard, I don't know what kind of pseudo-documentaries you've been watching, but monkeys can't talk." He wouldn't have expected anything nicer to come out of her mouth, but this time the smile that accompanied it wasn't contemptuous, merely amused. "Even so, that doesn't stop him from screaming at me all the time."

"So why did you take him home?"

"I plan to run a program of behavior modification to see if I can train him to stop the incessant biting and masturbating and instead to cause him to cuddle or stroke my hair when he feels the need for attention. When the grant comes through it will be easy enough to slip in the chain smoking."

"Oh." He looked at Mary questioningly.

"Well…" she said, "That's a little creepy but not too bad, I suppose." She rapped her spoon on the side of the pot and put it down. "Well, I guess we're about done here. Amy, you sit yourself down on the couch. Leonard, set the table?" Leonard wiped his hands and nodded.

Amy stood and turned to Mrs. Cooper. "Of course. Please excuse me first while I urinate." Leonard and Mary winced.

Mary rested her hand on Amy's shoulder. Amy flinched but didn't push the hand off. "Amy, dear, how about we try using 'freshen up' instead of 'urinate'?"

Amy looked puzzled. "Sounds rather vague."

Mary smiled warmly and patted her shoulder. "Yes, well, that's the point."

"Very well, noted." Amy began to walk away, then stopped and looked back at her. "Would vagueness also be considered a virtue when discussing feminine hygiene?"

"Yes. Definitely, yes."

"Ah." Amy looked at Leonard. "That actually explains a lot." She turned and vanished around the corner.

Leonard took his time pulling plates out of the cupboard while Mary silently stirred in the tomatoes. When she finished she turned off the heat and sighed. "You were right."

Leonard looked down at her from the footstool. "Sorry?"

"Those two need to make up and get back to … wherever they were at."

Leonard grabbed the last plate and stepped down. "I thought you said…"

Mary waved her hand dismissively. "I was wrong. I think she may be just different enough for this to be a good thing for my Shelly. Though only Jesus knows what kind of thing that may be." Just then Amy reappeared and sat down on the couch, hands on her knees and back ramrod straight. She didn't look anywhere near as relaxed as she had when she'd left the kitchen.

Leonard lowered his voice. "So what do we do?"

"We?" Mary shook her head in exasperation. "You are gonna sit there and keep your mouth shut. I'll handle this." She turned and yelled towards Sheldon's room.

"Shelly! Dinner's ready."


	4. A Letter from the Editor

**A Letter From The Editor**

Salutations, Gentle Readers. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. For those of you with short attention spans, I'm the main protagonist of this story.

If you were looking forward to seeing what went through my mind while I sat on that couch with Sheldon, get used to disappointment. I have.

After two straight days of arguing with the author over the direction this story was heading, I was forced to take drastic measures. I got my way when I explained how the numerous copyright violations involved in her little 'fanfic' combined my being on a first name basis with Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, AND Mayim Bialik, would make it quite simple for me to make her life a living hell. She dropped and showed her belly quicker than you can blink.

As you can see, I have no problem playing dirty.

I will be fair though, and only criticize the portions that were clearly in error.

GENRE 1- HUMOR: OK, even a monkey could see Leonard was being ridiculous.

CHARACTER 1- AMY FARRAH FOWLER: Yes, I am obviously the star of this tale. No problem there.

CHARACTER 2- SHELDON COOPER: Seriously? Sheldon? He spent the whole time in his room playing with the cats. That's like saying Godot was a main character in 'Waiting For Godot' (one of the easiest ways to spot literary posers, by the way).

GENRE 2- ROMANCE: This is the part where the author took the most radical departure from reality. Honestly, you should have seen the stuff she had running through my head while I sat on that couch (much of which had to do with my childhood and was NOBODY'S business). It was insane. But even before I put that chapter through the shredder, no reasonable person could have possibly seen any romance in this pulp.

I kept an open mind about it. After the huge build up, I expected Sheldon to come out of his room with circles under his eyes, hair mussed, 5 o'clock shadow, shirt half untucked- possibly torn. Maybe he'd be missing an ear. No. He looked EXACTLY the same as always. And the first thing out of his mouth? No begging for forgiveness and reconciliation. He wants to know what I'm even doing there.

Now, his agreeing to take more than half of the blame for the situation after his mother out of nowhere STABBED ME IN THE BACK was a pleasant surprise. Personally I don't think I could ever stand up directly to my mother the way he did. But I saw no other sign in that living room that he missed me at all. So he got a few cats. What's so crazy about that?

Moving forward, it will be nice to get to know the rest of Sheldon's friends better. I could even bend a little myself and take their side in minor disagreements with Sheldon to encourage group cohesion.

Come to think of it, the pretty blond didn't treat me half-bad. She didn't even spit in my food. I checked.

The thing I look forward to the most though is becoming closer with Sheldon (platonically). I enjoy spending time with him but it would be something new to go beyond the science articles and quiz games. After all, I have nothing against him personally that would stand in the way. Maybe we could go to the zoo.

Again, I reiterate; this is about looking forward to a deeper friendship and friendship alone. I find the notion of romantic love to be nothing more than a societal construct that adds no value to human relationships. The only side benefits I'm contemplating are getting him to help in getting Mother off my back so I can keep her George Forman Grill for good.

I did notice, on the way to his room, how soft the back his neck looks, how his hair comes to that cute little point right where the occipital bone meets the first cervical vertebra.

And maybe his pasty complexion isn't so much like a corpse's, which is what I thought when I first saw him under the fluorescent lighting of the coffee shop. Maybe it's more like… cream. And how cute his lips look when he purses them together in condescension.

x

Strawberries and cream.

X

Anyway, I believe I've made my point. I would change the story description stats myself but the author drew the line at giving me her password.

If what you're really looking for in fiction is sexual tension that seems to go on FOREVER before finding any resolution, I recommend you go read Twilight with the other 12-year-olds.

Sincerely,

Amy Farrah Fowler, BS, BA, MS, PhD


End file.
